It's been 4.5 years but apparently I may not actually be married after all.

Get this. 

Big Poppa and I might not be legally married after all.  Here's the scoop.

We recently moved to a new state. I finally convinced Big Poppa to take a day off of work so we could go get our new licenses. We had all the proper documents, or so we thought. It turns out the "marriage license" wasn't actually a license at all but a certificate from the Church just saying we were married. It wasn't the legal document. So we had to call the county we were married and obtain an original copy of our marriage license.

So I finally get all the crap done to send the request off. I had to type out this letter and include a self addressed return envelope along with two separate money orders totaling $35. Yeah, total pain in the ass. But I did it. I get the letter back in the mail from the county only for them to cash my $15 money order and tell me, "here is your $20 back...you aren't married. Sucka."

Monday morning arrives and I call the church pronto. They take all my information and request that I additionally send an email outlining everything and providing all information. No problemo. I took me three tries to finally get the right email address (I wasn't really on my game yesterday) but it finally went through. I thought I would hear back from them at some point during the week so you can imagine my surprise when I get a phone call at 9:20PM on Monday night. It's Father George and he is hella upset. 

They have no record of our marriage on file. They were frantically searching for the paperwork and hoping its in their archives. They also have the priest who married us (who has since been transferred twice since we were married...that's a little suspect, no?) searching his files thinking maybe he brought them with him (which he shouldn't have but thats another story). And apparently the priest who married us is kind of known for his poor paperwork filing/filling out skills. 

Awesome.

He was saying things like, "holy God! How did he marry you? It's illegal. How could he do that?! This is a huge problem. This is really bad. There's a $10k fine." In which I responded, "FOR WHO???" Thank God, it'll be on the church. I honestly don't think I've EVER heard a priest so upset before. He is seriously frantic. Christ (ummm, probably shouldn't be saying Christ when referring to a priest, right?! Whatevs.), he called me at 9:20PM!!! I was in the zone by that point...no kids, one of my DVR'd shows on the tv, Snickers bar in hand. I wasn't expecting a call from a priest!

I did realize that we took our license out in Montgomery County, not Philadelphia County. So as long as the priest actually filled out and sent the paperwork back after we were married, it should be there. Apparently with a marriage license there are 3 copies. One for the court, one for the church, and one for us. We don't have any copy and so far the church can't find their copy. Fabulous.

I swear on my Snickers bar that I couldn't make this shit up. And only this kind of crap would happen to me. I'm mean, for real???

***UPDATE: We are MARRIED!!!! The license was found in the MontCo courthouse! Good thing too cause I don't know how my super religious in laws would have felt about us having two children out of wedlock!