I'm so behind on posts that I'll probably just skip over things.

It's overwhelming to think that I haven't even posted anything from Thanksgiving. And wouldn't it be kinda weird to open your reader and see "HAPPY THANKSGIVING" right now? Yeah, I thought so too. So, we'll just skip over that holiday. 

Onto the holiday season! We've loaded this last month up with activities galore and for once, it wasn't me doing the event planning. Big Poppa has had grand plans for the kids. This is usually the man that wants to stay in all weekend and watch sports and relax while I'm itching to get out because I've been cooped up with Satan's my children all week. So when he started talking about going to Hershey Park and Washington DC for family time, I jumped at it.  

First up was Washington DC for the Daughters of the American Revolutions Holiday "Open House." They are a client of Big Poppa's and the fam was invited down to celebrate. I was nervous about this one for a couple reasons.

1. We'd be taking both kids and staying in a hotel overnight. Luckily we got a suite and they had their own room and we had ours. Not that it would matter because Avery would be up screaming bloody murder at 4am. I think she woke up the entire hotel.

2. The "Open House" was at the DAR Museum. Ummmmm, a museum? Like, with breakable stuff? Yes, that kind of museum. And we would be letting our 2 year old run around in said museum? Oh sweet baby Jesus.

3. The "Open House" (Christ....can't we just call it a Christmas Party already?!) wasn't even really getting underway until 7pm. My kids are usually starting bedtime routine around that time. This could get ugly.

I have to say though that I was pleasantly surprised. They were both so well behaved. I did get a little nervous when we went to the kid play area and they had a porcelain tea set out. For reals?! The highlight was walking into the huge library where a small children's choir was singing "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" and Luca marching right up to the front of them and belting it out with them. That's become his favorite holiday tune thus far. 

We left there in search of a family friendly restaurant since the kids hadn't had dinner. Yeah, 2 miles later (in the freezing f'ing cold with snot running down both our faces) we finally stumbled on a Johnny Rockets. 

Overall, it was a good trip. Avery lost her shit at 4am and pretty much didn't stop losing her shit until we got home. Me thinks she's a homebody like her Mama. 

I'm still here...

...just super busy during the holiday season! Will return to my normal blogging asap!

Let the judging and showboating begin...

Because we all know that's exactly what happens at a high school reunion. Particularly your first reunion ever. We can all pretend that we are going there to catch up with old friends and see how everyone's doing but in the back of everyone's mind is the same thing....

'Did she/he get fat?'

'Is she/he still a bitch/asshole?'

'Is she/he more successful?'

'Who has the most money, cutest kids, hottest wife/husband?'

I could go on but I won't. Unfortunately, this is what reunions have become and the reason that I am not particularly looking forward to mine. Which will sound even crazier after I give you this little tidbit of info...

I'M THE ONE WHO PLANNED IT!

There are a good amount of people who will be there that I genuinely look forward to seeing. They are people who I was friends with in high school, lost touch throughout college and so on and then re-acquainted with on MySpace (when I was still on MySpace) or Facebook. I don't feel like I'll be judged by these people. But there are others who I know will be judging and it's really unsettling. I've always been the type that cares what other people think. I know I shouldn't but I do. 

For example, I got an email from one particular 'cool' kid (and by cool I mean super uncool) asking me if I could I send him the list of people who already sent in their ticket money because he was 'on the fence' about attending and wanted to see who else would be there before rsvp'ing. 

This is what I mean. Did he want to make sure that those who were attending would live up to his super cool standards? Worth his time? It just blows my mind how shallow some people still are. And Christ, if you're gonna be that shallow at least don't admit to it. Bury that shit deep in your conscience! 

Soooooo, any good reunion stories for me?

Will I ever wake up in a good mood again?

Avery woke up yelling at 4:30am. So I quick go to the bathroom because I know she's going to end up in bed with me. I go in and get her (luckily she hadn't woken Luca) and she's just sitting in her crib yelling and talking, but more yelling than talking. She comes in bed with me and wants no parts of going back to sleep. I finally give in and get her a bottle. She drinks and then starts to fall asleep. Ahhhhh. Sweet success and sweet sleep! Or so I thought.

She decides to not only get up but to start yelling and crying now. Fabulous. So we go in the living room and lay on the couch where I proceed to tell her (as nice as one can tell her at 5am) that it's still sleepy night night time and she needs to go back to sleep. ::gasp!:: She listened and promptly fell back asleep on my chest. No prob. I can do this. So after getting as comfortable as possible I start to doze. I was right at that twilight (no, not the most awesome book turned movie series ev-uh) phase where you're right between sleep and awake when who do I hear? Ahhhh, Lukey. Sweet, sweet, crappy timing Lukey.

So I get up (whilst saying the rosary in the hopes that Avery doesn't wake back up) and lay her down in my bed and go in and get Luca. Now it's Avery, me and Luca all in bed together. It was tight but do-able. And I didn't mind. I had both my boogers laying with me in bed. It was warm and cozy. Luke is good about laying in bed quietly with me in the morning so I wasn't worried. I tell him that it's still sleepy night night time and that he needs to go back to sleep and he very quietly and sweetly says, "Oh-tay." He has one ya-ya (which is a pacifier in Cav family talk) in his mouth and the other one in his hand. He does this weird thing where he sucks on the one and then takes the other one and tries to stick it up his nose (thank GOD his nostrils aren't big enough to fit the ya-ya or we'd have a serious problem!). (PS - does anyone elses kid do this? It's a little weird, right?) And this is where I'm thinking, 'okay. This isn't too bad. I'll get maybe another 30-45 minutes.'

I get back to that twilight phase when I feel (not hear...she's a silent, sneaky little girl) two hands climbing up my back and onto my side.  Before I know it homegirl is up on the side of me staring over at Luca. Luca spots her and it all goes in the crapper. They are both kneeling up on the side of me like they're having a face off or something. And I'm just laying there thinking 'fuuuuuuuuuuck.' 

Done. Sleep = over.

She spits out her ya-ya and begins talking to Luca who promptly responds with something about blueberries, strawberries and bananas. Now they're both at full throttle, talking a mile a minute. He's saying something about a park and some big playground that he wants to go to. Avery's doing her normal babble. 

So we're up now. And I'm cranky. Will I ever wake up happy or content again? Will I ever feel well rested again? 

I've come to the realization that it's purely a choice on my part. I can either choose to wake up happy or choose to wake up crabby.

Today, I choose crabby. 

It's been 4.5 years but apparently I may not actually be married after all.

Get this. 

Big Poppa and I might not be legally married after all.  Here's the scoop.

We recently moved to a new state. I finally convinced Big Poppa to take a day off of work so we could go get our new licenses. We had all the proper documents, or so we thought. It turns out the "marriage license" wasn't actually a license at all but a certificate from the Church just saying we were married. It wasn't the legal document. So we had to call the county we were married and obtain an original copy of our marriage license.

So I finally get all the crap done to send the request off. I had to type out this letter and include a self addressed return envelope along with two separate money orders totaling $35. Yeah, total pain in the ass. But I did it. I get the letter back in the mail from the county only for them to cash my $15 money order and tell me, "here is your $20 back...you aren't married. Sucka."

Monday morning arrives and I call the church pronto. They take all my information and request that I additionally send an email outlining everything and providing all information. No problemo. I took me three tries to finally get the right email address (I wasn't really on my game yesterday) but it finally went through. I thought I would hear back from them at some point during the week so you can imagine my surprise when I get a phone call at 9:20PM on Monday night. It's Father George and he is hella upset. 

They have no record of our marriage on file. They were frantically searching for the paperwork and hoping its in their archives. They also have the priest who married us (who has since been transferred twice since we were married...that's a little suspect, no?) searching his files thinking maybe he brought them with him (which he shouldn't have but thats another story). And apparently the priest who married us is kind of known for his poor paperwork filing/filling out skills. 

Awesome.

He was saying things like, "holy God! How did he marry you? It's illegal. How could he do that?! This is a huge problem. This is really bad. There's a $10k fine." In which I responded, "FOR WHO???" Thank God, it'll be on the church. I honestly don't think I've EVER heard a priest so upset before. He is seriously frantic. Christ (ummm, probably shouldn't be saying Christ when referring to a priest, right?! Whatevs.), he called me at 9:20PM!!! I was in the zone by that point...no kids, one of my DVR'd shows on the tv, Snickers bar in hand. I wasn't expecting a call from a priest!

I did realize that we took our license out in Montgomery County, not Philadelphia County. So as long as the priest actually filled out and sent the paperwork back after we were married, it should be there. Apparently with a marriage license there are 3 copies. One for the court, one for the church, and one for us. We don't have any copy and so far the church can't find their copy. Fabulous.

I swear on my Snickers bar that I couldn't make this shit up. And only this kind of crap would happen to me. I'm mean, for real???

***UPDATE: We are MARRIED!!!! The license was found in the MontCo courthouse! Good thing too cause I don't know how my super religious in laws would have felt about us having two children out of wedlock!

Clearly my children hate me. I'll prove it.

For the last week or so now Luca has been waking up in the middle of the night screaming and crying. We would go in and get him out of fear that he would wake Avery up. Luckily, he never did. But he would still come into our bed and proceed to kick, punch, slap, scratch and head butt us for the rest of the night. The kid moves all over the place when he sleeps.

So last night we had a little intervention with him. I explained that we would not come in and get him if he cried and that he would have to just cry a little and then go back to sleep on his own. I really reinforced that he would not be coming into our bed. 

Big Poppa and I went to bed with our fingers crossed. Maybe we should have also done a voodoo dance.

Avery was up, screaming, at 10:45pm. REALLY?!?! REALLY?!?!

She pretty much screamed off and on until 1am.  Every time we would try to sit or lay down with her, she lost her ever loving mind. Finally at 1am I threw the white flag and gave her a bottle. She finally settled in after that and fell asleep where she proceeded to kick, punch, slap, scratch and head butt me for the remainder of the night. Ahhh...the joys of having children. 

She woke up at around 6:15am and wouldn't stop whining and yelling so that was it. She was up for the day.

And who slept the ENTIRE night, woke up at 7:10am and without so much as a peep? 

Fucking kids.

Screw you, candy corn song!!!

Who watches Nick Jr.? Oh come on...just admit to it. Sure, your kid might watch but so do you.

So who knows the "I don't like candy corn" song that Moose E. Moose sings? It's quite catchy and admittedly, I've memorized it. 

Here it is if you've never had the pleasure of watching/listening to it over and over and over and over and over. "I DON'T LIKE CANDY CORN!"

But if I have to hear my kid wake up one more morning asking for, "candy corn, candy corn, candy corn" I just might become homicidal. All day long this kid wants that damn candy corn song. 

Well guess what? They aren't even playing it anymore because Halloween is over. Which makes the kid want the damn song even more!!! And try to make a 2 year old understand that the network won't air the song anymore because the holiday is over. Yeah, that's not working out so well for me.

If any Nick Jr. execs are reading this...please start selling a DVD of the Moose E. Moose songs that you sing in between the regularly scheduled programs. I can guarantee you'll make an ass load of money off them. Hell, I'll buy a few copies!

My night as a poser in Manhattan.

Monday morning I left for NYC to pretend to be a model. Go ahead, have a good laugh. Done now?

Okay, moving on.

A former client of mine who makes custom dresses and wedding gowns was asked to participate in a super high end bridal event. The minimum amount that the brides are spending on their weddings is $100k. So yeah, super high end and crazy over the top. 

This is a recap of my two day vacation! (Yes...vacation. I had NO kids or husband for 2 whole gloooorious days!)

_________________________________________________________________

This is how my trip starts: Avery was getting a breathing treatment so she was screaming bloody murder. So much for a loving kiss and cuddle from my baby girl. Then as I'm pulling away I see Luca standing at the door with a big pouty lip and I can read his lips. He's saying, "Mama! Mama!" So what do I do? Sob, of course.

I have about a 30 minute drive to the train station that would take me up to Penn Station. I get there, get my ticket and have to get something to eat or I'll die. A little dramatic? Maybe. But I'm going for effect here, people. I run into the little cafe place and am trying to buying my stuff when the train pulls up. Apparently it's the first day on the job for the checkout lady because she looked at my credit card like it was a foreign object. 

"Just swipe it, just swipe it. No, I don't want the wrap anymore. I want to put it back. I'm gonna miss the train! No, no receipt!!" 

It was a uneventful train ride up. Quiet and relaxing with my bagel and Snapple. And then I got to Penn Station and needed an ATM. Sweet Jesus. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. And to the gentleman at the Tourist Information booth. You're an asshole! And last time I checked, it was your job to help me! Mr. Helpful tells me that the Bank of America ATM is downstairs. Okay. Easy enough, right? 

So I walk all over Penn Station trying to find this fucking ATM. But it makes no sense to me. All the train tracks are downstairs and all the banks and restaurants are upstairs. He also mentioned that there was one across the street from the station. So after walking in circles around Penn Station and looking like a total tool, I decided to cut my losses and just go to the one outside. 

I finally get some cash and jump in a cab. And praise Jesus...I actually survived the cab ride! It was a little shaky there a few times and I thought my bagel and Snapple might be making another appearance but it came to an end after just $8.10 (yes, I measure cab rides by how much I paid and not by how many minutes it took to get there).

My room wasn't ready so I ended up grabbing lunch and checking out the venue. I was really surprised how little they had set up at that point (the show started at 4pm). After inhaling an awesome salad from Cosi I headed over for hair and makeup. Fittings - done, makeup - loved it, hair - not so much. I looked like I had wings on the side of my head. But it wasn't up to me so I went with it. Beauty is interpreted in different ways, right? RIGHT?! 

So, it's show time and holy shit! I seriously never expected that many brides! They just came pouring in! I started out the night in a deco flapper-ish wedding dress. It was super cool and really, really comfy too! I got to wear one of those fancy pants caged veils with a big feathery type hair piece in it. Think Carrie Bradshaw from the Sex in the City movie. LOVES IT! 

From there I made two more wardrobe changes into a vintage beaded gown that cost around $5,000. Now I know how the Victoria Secret models feel when they were that million dollar bra and panty set. Yeah, we totally have something in common now. Don't hate. 

My last change of the night was into a big wedding gown. Can I tell you how much I loved that?! I wanted to get married all over again. And of course it had a big old hoop skirt and feathers and rhinestones...everything gawdy you could imagine but very tastefully done! It was beautiful!

I was done the show by around 8pm so I hightailed it over to a bar a couple blocks away and ordered some food to go. While waiting on said food I decided to have a drink while I watched the Phils (my hometown team) take on the Yankees in the World Series. Well, I think the bartender got pissed that I was cheering for the Phils and slipped a roofie into my second drink because by the time I stood up, I was drunk. 2 drinks??? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME???

I stumble to my hotel room and inhale my cheeseburger that took 45 minutes to cook and the drunk Facebooking ensues. It wasn't pretty, folks. I have many embarrassing status updates and comments to live down. But at least I provided my friends and family with a little entertainment. 

Sunday morning I decided to walk around a little even though I had a killer headache from my raging drunken party night. I thought maybe getting a little something in my stomach would help so I jumped into a Starbucks real quick. As I stood in line and perused the baked goods I started sweating and spinning a bit. Nope...food was still the enemy. 

So I walked.

And walked.

And walked some more.

I walked all the way up Fifth Avenue to Central Park. By then I thought I could handle a soft pretzel and luckily, I could. On my way back to the hotel I even stopped at Rockefeller Center. It was such a beautiful day for this type of walking.  I took my time and people watching and checked out the architecture of the churches (they were beautiful, p.s.) and stopped in stores. I really didn't want to have to leave but the hotel check out time was nearing. That and there were these 2 little kids in another state who needed me or something like that. Pft. Whatevs.

I checked out and made it to the train safely (again, holla for not getting killed in or by a NYC taxi). I'm sitting there just minding my business, waiting to find out what track the train is coming in on when what happens? Some fucking CUH-RAZY lady decides to sit next to me. And I'm talking for real crazy. All of sudden she starts yelling at David. Don't ask me who David is because he sure as shit wasn't there with her. But wherever you are David, you fucking pissed her off! She was grunting and yelling. Oh and did I mention she had a big bandaid over her eye? Bitch looked hardcore. I certainly didn't want to fuck with her. For starters, she still had one good eye. Not to mention, I didn't want to be the one with the bandaid on my eye! I like my baby blues! Did I stalk her and make sure I sat on the opposite side of the train? Yes, I absolutely did.

After all of that, the train ride home was uneventful. I got to kiss on my baby girl when I got home and once Luke woke up from his nap, he got the same lovin'! I really missed them and thought about them constantly. This is the first time that I wasn't sad missing them. Does that make sense? I missed them but in a good way. Something would remind me of them and I would start laughing in the middle of the street (whose the crazy lady now?). I totally needed this break and I took complete advantage of it. I had a great time and came back refreshed and ready for the next temper tantrum. I can't wait to do it again...maybe next week? Eh. A girl can dream.

Avery's Halloween Birthday Bash!

For some reason, my iPhoto isn't letting me upload pictures anywhere anymore. No clue why. It doesn't even let me select pictures which is super frustrating and I'm not MacSmart so I have no idea how to fix it. Any Mac techies out there that can help a sister out?

Okay back to Avery's BIG party! It was such a great time! Aside from some mild hysteria about swine flu, it was a complete success! I had ordered black and orange tablecloths and my sister made the most adorable centerpieces. There were pink and purple balloons (because I still wanted it to be a girly halloween birthday party) and frilly girly decorations. It all turned out perfectly!

I arranged an activity for the kids to do so they wouldn't be running wild the whole time and it worked like a charm. They really enjoyed decorating their foam pumpkins! The food was good and the cake...OH MY GOD!!! The cake was AMAZING! For reals, I've never had such a tasty cake. Mad props to Sweet Eats Bakery in Marlton, NJ. I just may go order another cake for me to have for dinner tonight. It was that good. We had a few extra slices leftover and my mom and I inhaled them out of fear that my dad or Big Poppa would get to them. And I don't regret doing that for one minute. 

Avery loved being sung to but wasn't too interested in her vegan smash cake. Can't say I blame her though. It tasted like ass. Especially compared to the big mama cake that was so good I wanted to rub it all over myself. But Avie Baby got so tired near the end of the party that she curled up on me and crashed. She's my little cuddler so this isn't far fetched. But it's so sweet and I hope it never changes. Luke was never a cuddler, he was more the kissing type and still is. But there really is nothing better than a sweet smelling baby all curled up under your chin snoozing away.

I'm going to try and upload pictures through another site and stick it on here as a slideshow. I'm not sure what else to do until I sort out this iPhoto mess. Check back and hopefully there will be some pics up!

Avery's Birthday Celebration and how I almost caught it all on fire.

It just wouldn't be a birthday celebration without a little pyrotechnics, right?

Avery turned the big 0-1 on Tuesday and in celebration we sang happy birthday after dinner and had some vegan cupcakes. Woohoo!!! PAR-TAY!!

Pop-Pop lights the candle, we sing and I proceed to tip the cupcake over (What? It was top heavy, damnit!) just as Avery swings her little princess birthday party crown hat forward with all the ribbons and bows hanging out the top of it. Do we see where this is going?

Yes, I almost lit my daughters birthday hat on fire. And the dining room table.

But all was okay after I screamed, scared the shit out of Avery, pulled her hat off her and quick blew out the candle. It was frantic few seconds and Avery cried but everyone was burn free. Which if you ask me, that's what really matters.

Here are some pics of that night. Obviously no one caught the near fire on camera because we were all screaming and trying to get Avery's head and the ribbons out of the line of fire.

Before the pyrotechnics.
After the pyrotechnics.

Disney on Ice with Luca

He had so much fun and was just in awe the whole time. He sat so perfectly, mouth dropped open, staring as the characters skated out and sang and danced. And aside from one small tantrum, he was really well behaved.

Here are some pics!

Waiting for it to start, eating his chicken nuggeys ("chinese" to Luca)
The show begins...
And Luca is officially in awe.
Screw the chicken nuggeys, I want to DANCE!
Bye Mickey, bye Guppy, bye Don Duck!

Happy Birthday Avery!!!

Birth

2 Weeks
4 Weeks
Month 2
Month 3
Month 4
Month 5
Month 6
Month 7
Month 8
Month 9
Month 10
Month 11
Month 12

My sweet Avie Baby turns one today! I can't believe it's been a year since she was born. I know it sounds so cheesy but it really does feel like just yesterday that I was being induced. Unfortunately, Mamacita is sick with a nasty cold on her special day. She was up off and on all night and has been a snotty mess. I pray that she's better by Sunday for her big birthday party. It would really suck to have a birthday party without the birthday girl. 

To my Avery...

I love you as high as the sky and as big as Heaven. Happy birthday, A-Pie!

And we're DONE!

Well, at least I hope.

Avery braved the Upper GI just like all the other procedures. She seriously amazes me with how tough she is. She cries then calms down. She doesn't ever scream bloody murder the entire time. She's a trooper for sure. 

Preliminary results showed no anatomical deformity of the small intestine which is a HUGE relief! Now we're just waiting on the results of the procedures from last week. As long as those look good then *fingers crossed* we're done with testing!

I'm anxious to get back to a normal life that doesn't revolve around specialists and doctor appointments. I'm even more excited to get back to some normal blogging. I feel like humor and sarcasm have been lacking lately because of the stress and worry for my baby girl. I have a lot of fun things coming up that should be good blog material (Disney on Ice, Avery's 1st birthday and Halloween just to name a few)!

Be sure to check back!!

Quick Update

I haven't had a free minute to update on Avery's friday of fun. Everything went well for the most part. The doctor had a hard time getting the scope around a bend in her small intestine so now they want to send her for an Upper GI to rule out an anatomical deformity. We go for that on Wednesday. Awesome.

Hopefully we get the results from the endoscopy and flex sig this week and will know something. Anything.

I'll be back to my regular blogging asap. Hopefully it will be something fun. Although that's not likely.

Thyroid Scan of an 11 month old and yes it was painful....for me.

Does that sound selfish? Probably. Okay, it does. She was the one who had to endure the NG tube being shoved up her nose and then down her throat. And she's the one who had to endure the radioactive material being injected into her little belly. Then she had to wait 2 hours while the radioactive crap made it's way throughout her system. She's also the one that had to be swaddled and taped down to the table of an enormous machine. Oh and she had to lay on said table for two hours without moving while Gigantor took up residence mere inches from her throat to take pictures of her thyroid.

And we won't even discuss the panic attacks I was having as I imagined this machine breaking and falling on my poor baby girl. Ugh. Intrusive thoughts, much?!

All that being said, it was super painful for me. I hated watched the nurses literally lay on top of her to restrain her for the insertion of the NG tube. She looked at me like I had betrayed her. After that part was done I made sure to whisper in her ear that I would key the cars of those nasty nurses that had done that too her. She was happy with that and fell asleep on my chest. 

(yikes...Mama's looking a little rough...)

Luckily she didn't nap for long. No, you didn't read that wrong. It actually was a blessing in disguise. By the time the actual testing started she was so exhausted. She screamed her little head off while me, Big Poppa and the nuclear medicine tech swaddled and taped her to the table. She eventually fell asleep with her Daddy rubbing her head and singing in her ear (have I ever mentioned how amazing Big Poppa is?). She slept for the entire thing which was so nice and quiet. I haven't had that much quiet in months and I loved it! I loved it so much that I fell asleep right there next to her in the chair. I'm talking head all the way back and mouth wide open. The kind of sleep position that you get when you fall asleep in the car. Only when you're in the car you drive past hundreds of people looking like a total tool. This time only the nuclear medicine tech was lucky enough to see my drooling, snoring hotness. 

But at least step 1 is over. Results came back and they are all good. She's been diagnosed with congenital hypothyroidism and will be on a low dose of Synthroid until she is 3. At that point they'll re-test to see if she's outgrown the condition. Unfortunately, this is not what is causing the failure to thrive and lack of weight gain. 

Onto step 2...endoscopy and flexible sigmoidoscopy this Friday. Fingers crossed!

So proud of Luca!

I've always had this fear that something will happen to Avery while in the playroom (i.e. choke on a hot wheel tire) and I wouldn't know about it because it's in another area of the house. I always wondered if Luke would know to come get me. He's still little so I didn't think he would.

The other day I was sitting at the dining room table, drinking my coffee and playing on the internet (I'm not an attentive, involved parent until the caffeine is actively coursing through my veins) when he comes out from the playroom and says to me, "Avie? Avie?" He was pointing toward the playroom and had a concerned look on his face. I couldn't hear her so I run to the playroom and see her laying in the middle of the room, eyes closed. 

Motionless. 

This is my fear. I run over to her but come to find out she'd just cuddled up and fallen asleep. Then I stop to think if I'm dreaming or in some sort of twilight zone because my kids have never fallen asleep anywhere but the crib or car seat. 

An example or two to further prove how resistant my children are to sleep...you know how everyone and their mother has a picture of their kid sitting in the highchair, covered in food, but sound asleep? Yeah, not me. Or the one where the kid is bouncing away in his/her jumper until they eventually just crash from the exertion of all that energy? Again, not me. It's never happened with either kid. I could only wish I got that lucky. So to see her sleeping in the middle of the floor, well, it blew me away.

But more importantly, Luke thought something was wrong with her and came and got me!!! I am so proud! I totally cried. I know I'm a total sap but I couldn't help it. I was just so proud of him and maybe slightly PMS emotional. Whatevs.

Here are the pics of my sleepy Avie!

Endoscopy, Thyroid Scan and Flexible Sigmoidoscopy

I know what all 3 of you who actually read this blog are thinking. 

You: "Wow. This is gonna be a super fun post to read." 

Me: "Sure is, mother humpers! Come join the fun!"

Anytime there is talk of sticking cameras up butts, of course it's bound to be entertaining! And the lucky recipient of said camera up the butt would be my sweet Avie Baby! Poor booger. 

Her extended endocrinology blood work came back the same as it did the first time when GI did it. Elevated. Thyroid hasn't changed and is still elevated. I'll try to explain as best I can. 

The hormone that is coursing through her body is called T4. That is normal. But her thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) is elevated. It registered at 4.82 and normal is less than 3.8 (so a full point higher). They way they explained it is that her thyroid is working really, really hard to kick out enough T4 to keep her body at a normal level. That's not good. 

The doctor's words exactly, "that's a bad sign." 

So I asked what it could be a sign of and of course my psycho mind starts thinking cancer or something. All she said was that they think Avery may be in the beginning stages of hypothyroidism. Okay...I can deal with that. That can be fixed with medicine. 

The doctor proceeds to tell me that they want to do a thyroid scan because of my family history of both hypo and hyperthyroidism. So we have to get that scheduled asap.

Fast forward to this morning when I get a phone call from GI. I've been harassing calling them for the last few days because Avery just hasn't been herself. She's not taking as much formula anymore and feeding her standard table foods is even becoming a struggle now. They decide that the next step is an endoscopy and flexible sigmoidoscopy (flex sig). A flex sig is like a colonoscopy only in babies they only go about 1/5 of the way up so it's not as involved as your standard colonoscopy.

Now I await a phone call from both Endocrinology for the date of the thyroid scan and the GI surgical suite for a date on the endoscopy and flex sig. 

On a positive note, her 1st birthday is right around the corner! I can't believe she's going to be a year old! We have the location of her birthday party firmed up and now need to figure out the theme and fun activities! I love going into party planning mode!

No is the new Yes...at least in Avery's world.

And this is what followed...

Guess I need to start putting the gate up, um, properly? Blech. That's such a pain in the ass.

Moving, Surgery, Blood Work...oh my God help me!

That would pretty much sum up the last few days with the Cav family.

This past weekend we started the moving process and it sucked. Big donkey balls. It was humid and I wasn't as prepared as I should have been. But we did it. Stage 2 of the big move is happening this weekend and then we close on Tuesday. I just want to be done already. I'm over it as I'm sure you all are as well. Especially the bitching. I'm sure you're all sick of that.

Luca had his tubes surgery on Tuesday. It went really well and the doctor said that he definitely needed them. He had a ton of mucus in his sinuses that she sucked out. Woot for not having to deal with a lingering cold in a temper tantrum fueled toddler! Although he still has a nasty cough. Hopefully we'll see a drastic improvement in him and it comes just in time for winter!

I also got a phone call from Avery's GI about her blood work results right in the middle of getting Luca ready for surgery (awesome timing, right?). I had been trying to call all week but they weren't returning my calls. I called again on Friday and asked that I get a phone call back that day since it was the holiday weekend. By 1:30pm I hadn't heard from anyone so what did I do? 

I called. 

And called again. 

And called yet again. 

You get the picture here.

Only to discover that the office was already closed for the weekend. Fucking a! 

So then what did I do? That's right...I did what any psychotic, caffeine crazed caring, concerned and loving mother would have done. I flipped the fuck out. I talked to nurses and information people. And I must give kudos to the hospital. They handled me quite well even if it did get me nowhere.

And what did I do when I realized that I got nowhere? I hit a new low.

I googled the doctors name, found her email address and emailed her. BUT, I waited until the next morning because if I hadn't, that email would have been laced with expletives. And I'm sure that would really get me nowhere. 

Anyway, I finally heard back. Let me also say that I am an eternal pessimist. I just am. It's me. Love it or leave it. My glass is usually half empty, the sky is falling and armageddon is right around the corner (ok, so that last one was a bit of an exaggeration). BUT, in this situation, I decided to turn a new leaf. Weird timing, I know. But hey, new home new attitude, right? Uh, not so much.

The doctor says that her blood work had some abnormalities. God damnit. See? That's what I get for being optimistic. I had totally convinced myself that all would come back negative and that we could just chalk her FTT up to a milk/soy allergy. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

Her thyroid is elevated. Like whoa. It's over 8.0. Normal range is .5 to 5.0. Whoa, right? So it's looking like hypothyroidism. Also, her Celiac panel came back within the normal range but still on the low side. Here's the thing about the Celiac panel though. It only tests for the RISK of Celiac Disease. It doesn't actually confirm a diagnosis. You can have a negative CD blood panel but still have it. The only thing that confirms it is an endoscopy. From everything that I've researched (since I do have my Ph.D. in google) hypothyroid and Celiac Disease go hand in hand in babies when symptoms begin at 6 months. Hello, fitting diagnosis for Avery! Nice to FINALLY meet you!

I didn't get a chance to talk to the GI very much because I was getting Luke prepped for surgery. She said she would call me back within the next day or two to discuss things some more. It's been two days now and I haven't heard back yet.

So you all know what that means right? Hehe. 

(and ps - that's an evil "hehe." Not a giggly, fun, peppy "hehe." Just wanted to clarify.)

Constant positivity on Facebook makes me skeptical.

I know there have to be others that agree with me here. Everyone knows a person who is SO positive that it kind of makes you skeptical. Like, 'what narcotics are they on and can I get some' kind of positive.

Their Facebook statuses are all rainbows and butterflies, peaches and cream, baileys and ice. Nothing ever goes wrong. It's always a beautiful morning, beautiful kids, amazing day/night/morning/afternoon, so blessed/grateful, love love love love love, barf.

I don't buy it. 

For reals, it's just not possible to be so fucking positive all.the.time. Kids scream and have bad days and you want to drink yourself into a stupor. EVERYONE has days like that! And you're lying if you say you don't. Now I can understand if you just don't want people to know you have those days or moments. But the constant positivity front is rather annoying. It makes me look at my own life like, 'shit, I suck' because I certainly am not that positive all the time. I'm honest though. If I'm having a great day, you'll for sure know about it. But if it's a bad day and Luca has been in timeout more times than I can count and Avery is SIO (screaming it out...cry it out is so 2 months ago for this little girl) in her crib, you'll know about that too. 

ETA: There is nothing wrong with being positive. Rock on with your positive self. But me? I'm a pessimist. Which means I'll tend not to believe you or your positivity. kthanxbye!

I should be speechless but come on, you all know that's impossible for me!

Jim Bob has sperminated Michelle again. Number 19. She is having her 19th child! 19. Really...let that soak in for just a minute. 19 babies kicking around inside you, making you vomit daily, giving you hemi's the size of small water balloons (oh yeah...I just went there), making you pee your pants when you sniffle. All kidding aside, I'm amazed that Michelle doesn't pee her pants every time she speaks at this point. She could probably be the kegels expert at this point.

Three thoughts...

1. It almost seems as if this is become a competition for them, no? Like they want to have the most babies ever. They want to hold the Guinness World Record for most babies conceived and born from one woman. Unfortunately for her, she has quite a way to go.

2. They are hoarders and are hoarding kids. My friend Bridget brought this point up and I think it's valid. It could be a spinoff of animal hoarding. Only this is kid hoarding. "Hoarding a resource while its supply is abundant can actually alleviate future shortages because those who stockpile in this manner will not contribute to future demand when supplies are reduced." So in other words, hoarding kids now while her eggs and Jim Bob's swimmers are abundant will not contribute to the world's future shortage of kids? Did I break that down properly? It's still fucked up.

3. Josh and Anna's daughter is going to have an aunt/uncle that is YOUNGER than her. Fucking creepy. And weird. And even more creepy when the little girl realizes that her GRANDPARENTS were still porking when she was just a fetus! Who wants to think of their Grandparents banging?! Ugh. Grodey.

And for the haters...yes, babies are blessings (blah, blah, blah) but when is enough, enough? She clearly is putting her own health and the health of the baby at risk. She is way over the advanced maternal age at this point and with every pregnancy now, she is taking more and more risk at having a healthy baby. 

Thoughts?

A quick update on the kids.

What up biznatches?!

So we took Luca to the ENT on Monday. He needs to tubes. Like whoa. The doctor said he had painful looking ears and was the poster child for tubes surgery. On one hand I'm really excited he's having this done because obviously it will mean no more pain for the little stink. On the other hand, I'm freaking the fuck out. He has to be given anesthesia and has never had it before. So of course my fucking looney bin, psycho paranoid mind starts running wild on me. What if he's allergic? What if he stops breathing? What if he goes into seizures? 

See? Fucking psychotic.

Tuesday, I took Avery to the local children's hospital to start all the testing in hopes of finding out why she's FTT (failure to thrive). She saw GI in the morning. And guess how much she weighed? 16 pounds, 2 ounces! We broke the 16 pound mark!!!!!!! I was so fucking excited! So anyway, GI wants her to stay on the no milk/no soy diet and keep going with the Neocate formula. I've gotta be honest here. I wasn't excited about that. Feeding her tables foods that have no milk or soy byproducts is fucking annoying. And that Neocate formula is insanely expensive. Like $50-60 a can expensive. But I will do whatever little Avie Baby needs and I'll do it with a fake smile on my face!

She was also sweat tested for Cystic Fibrosis and had bloodwork done to check for Celiac Disease and any thyroid issues. I was supposed to get a call last night from my niece Laney's doctor with the results of the sweat test. If you recall, she has CF and has a team of doctors who work to keep her healthy. My sister and brother in law have become close friends with one of the doctors and he knows what's going on with Avery. Unfortunately, he didn't call. So now, psychotic Amy is at full throttle. Did he not call me because the test was positive and since he's not technically Avery's doctor he doesn't want to or more importantly can't be the one to call us and tell us? 

Sweet Jesus I'm gonna drive myself crazy! 

Hopefully all results come back negative and we can chalk this failure to thrive crap up to a severe milk allergy.

Oh and one more thing...we move this weekend! 

A bucket + water + shovel = a happy little boy!

And Avery was a bit unfazed by it all...

What does a G have do to get more followers?

I've been pondering this topic. I would like more but I would never be a featured blog on SITS or anything of the like because, well, I curse too much. And I use God's name in vain. ::GASP!:: I've tried to scale back on the cursing but I just can't! It's in my blood! Asking me not to curse would be like asking me not to drink Baileys...impossible! 

So here are some solutions to my little conundrum...

1. Sell out. Become someone I'm not. Actually start to post nice things about my kids. It would be like typing through rose colored glasses. And rose colored glasses are just too Elton John for my taste.

2. Pay people to be my followers. Except I'm broke so that wouldn't work so well. Unless people would be willing to take payment via sexual favors...bow chicka wow wow! (I know Cammie would be ALL over this one!)

3. Get my blog listed on every one of those Blog Directory websites as possible. Except I already barely squeeze in enough time to blog as it is. So finding time to do said solution probably wouldn't happen.

4. Fuck it. This isn't a high school popularity contest. But come on...doesn't it kind of feel that way sometimes? We all know who the "cool" bloggers are. They're like the leaders of the Pink Ladies and we're all just the little Patty Simcoxs' of the blogosphere.

So, for you 5 or 6 people who actually leave me comments...what are your thoughts on this?

A Video Wordless Wednesday...I love this kid even though he's a holy terror lately.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

The conclusion of Luca's birthday weekend!

To say the kid made out would be an understatement! He got so many new and VERY cool toys. Avery is all over them which throws my little 2 year old temper tantrum fueled boy into overdrive! She can't even go near these toys without a major meltdown. He even cracked her in the head tonight with a hot wheel because she got too close! Fucking awesome.

By Sunday night he was in such a sugar coma. I felt like I needed to feed him meatloaf and potatoes for dinner just so he had something besides sugar in his stomach!

So here are a few pics! Luca is officially a 2 year old!