Don't hate me because I don't comment!

I promise, I will get better at commenting on everyone's blogs. I've been slacking in that area because I barely get a chance to read all my blogs on a daily basis. Maybe if it weren't for having to protect Avery from suffering brain damage inflicted by Luca and his Lightning McQueen car, then I'd have more time. But I don't see him becoming some sort of angel child any time soon.

So yesterday was our fourth wedding anniversary and guess what we did? We spackled! Go ahead, be jealous. We lead exciting lives so it's easy to be envious. Ok, now stop laughing at me. We spent our wedding anniversary spackling the basement wall in preparations to sell the house. And by the way, I think I'm suffering from some mental disorder. I actually planned Avery's baptism for Sunday and then decided to put the house on the market on Monday. What the hell was I thinking??? Talk about overwhelming. And I swear to God, all these house repairs better be worth it and we better get an offer fast. Actually, I take that back. My realtor better hope we get an offer fast since she's the one ordering all this work on the house.

Quick update on the kids...Luca is over his pink eye or "boo boo eyeball" as he liked to say. It was pretty gross but so far I was able to keep it contained to just him. I'm patting myself on the back for that one. He sings all the time now and it's freaking adorable! His best songs thus far are Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, Take Me Out to the Ball Game, and Life is a Highway (the Rascal Flatts version). Avery is thisclose to crawling. She gets up on all fours and just lunges herself forward. Every time she does it the hubster and I watch and wait for that first little crawl. I'm not quite sure why I'm this excited about her crawling (especially since she's only 8 months old) because it only means more work for me but whatevs. It's the little things!

Pee Pee go bye bye...and so are we!

Yes, sweet Luca, pee pee goes bye bye. Now if only it were YOUR pee pee in the toilet that was going bye bye. ::sigh:: A mom can dream.

Ok, back to reality. 

I have a ridiculous amount of shit to get done around the house this week. We are having Avery baptized on Sunday (it's about damn time...I thought my IL's were going to disown us/her if we didn't do it soon) and the house is officially going on the market on Monday, June 29th. Phew! I was supposed to spend Saturday cleaning all day but in typical assholeness, I completely forgot that we have a birthday party at 1 pm that day. Still don't know what I'm gonna do about that but I'll figure it out. The house doesn't have to be completely spotless, right? (ps - that's your cue to just agree with me and not tell me the truth.)

For all of you who have sold a home in the past, I need you! I've never done this before so please give me your best pieces of advice for house selling. Is there anything in particular that you feel is absolute necessary in the process? Not necessary? Help a sista out!

You know you're a slob when....

...your 21 month old picks your shit up off the floor and puts it on the stairs because that's where you collect your shit until you're not lazy enough to take it upstairs.

I've just hit a new level of lazy.

Ok...now add yours to make me feel better.

Ugh...I can't stand all the old people in the baby aisle!

Every time I go to Heaven Target to get formula for Avie Baby, I inevitably have to deal with the geezers in the baby aisle. This sucks big donkey balls for a couple reasons. Lucky for you, I shall list them.

1. They are usually deaf/hard of hearing. Now, I have nothing against those hard of hearing. I have a very close lesbian lover friend who has an amazingly talented and sweet deaf daughter. But the elderly are another category. Ya know why? Because they're deaf and RUDE! Which leads very nicely into #2.

2. I say, 'excuse me' very politely so that I can maneuver to the end of the aisle for the formula I need (generic Target brand...only the best for my Princess), but they don't hear me or just don't care because they don't move an inch. So I'm left to squeeze my cart in between them and the shelves.

3. They smell like moth balls. Yeah I said it. 

Ok, so maybe not all of them. But a lot of them. And it makes me throw up in my mouth.

And ya know what? What are they doing in the baby aisle anyway? I understand that Johnson & Johnson baby wash smells good and everything, but can't they find a regular soap in the ADULT soap aisle to use? Or maybe Target needs to separate the formula/baby food aisle with the soap/rash cream/baby wipes aisle.

Ok, I'll be stepping off my soapbox now. And I'll probably trip and fall on the way because karma is coming to get me.

Cars, Cars, FUCKING Cars! Now go sit in a tub full of noodles.

And I speak of the Disney movie Cars. 

UGH! I want to scream! It's all we've been watching for the last 3 weeks. I can recite the whole movie, word for word. It's really quite pathetic when you and your husband quote the movie all.day.long. No, for reals. We drive past a Kenworth dealerships and we say, "all those sleeping trucks!" (that would be a Mac quote)

Seriously, it's a sad sad world I live in.

Anywizzy, here's what I really wanted to post about. Everyone knows I love me some 'Best of Craigslist.' The shit is just too fucking funny and weird. I have to wonder how much of it is really true sometimes. But then I think about how many fucking weirdo's are in the world and it's confirmed that all this shit is most likely 100% true. So here is one of my recent fave finds. My comments in blue.

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Woman to sit in my bath tub full of noodles, wearing a bathing suit. (be grateful you weren't asked to be naked)

Date: 2009-04-29, 1:39AM EDT


I will pay you $1 USD (seriously, one fucking dollar??? I wouldn't get up off my couch for you for one dollar! cheapskate.) to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit.

I will not be home (but I will be just outside the door waiting to lock you in), nor will anyone else while you do this. (we will all be watching from the hidden camera installed in the ceiling though)

I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure. (because what's more leisurely then sitting in some strangers bathtub full of noodles? I'm just saying, it's what I like to do when the hubs takes the kids out for the day.)

I will require at least a 5 minutes stay. (followed by your permanent stay in heaven after I've murdered you. WHAT? You can't honestly expect you're getting out of their alive. If nothing else you'll slip on a wet noodle and crack your head on the tub.)

A neighbor will watch the front door from across the street (it's a team effort...yay for teamwork!) and using a supplied stopwatch (because the other psycho across the street doesn't own a clock or watch so he must be supplied a stopwatch), will time your entry and departure.

Please supply your own footwear. (I hear Skechers makes some new slip resistant footwear. You may want to check them out.)

The noodles will be cooked, and therefore slippery. (thus the need for the Skechers slip resistant shoes...duh.)

DO NOT bring any sauce (he wants to be able to see your blood and not confuse it with Prego).  I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner. (you can't blame the guy for wanting a little salt and pepper with his meal.)

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I wish I could say that I make this stuff up but there really are some crazies out there. Who in there right mind would participate in something like this for $1??? At least throw me a ten spot and then maybe I'll consider it. A girl has standards.

I think I'm sick in the head.

I have baby fever. See? I'm sick, right? I have a diva little girl who won't nap and I want another one?! Definitely sick in the head.

It's all my friend Cindy's fault. She had to go and have the most adorable little boy on Monday. I got my grubby (but clean) hands on him last night and the fever hit. I decided I was going to jump Big Poppa's bones when I got home. But he figured me out and denied me quicker than you can blink an eye. Smart man.

There's not a whole lot happening on the kid front. Avery still won't nap unless I'm holding her. Luca is getting into more and more trouble. I swear the kid can get into things like never before. It's like he hit a new level of mischief. 

I'll be back to my regular, pointless blogging soon. I've been pre-occupied with getting the house ready to be put on the market. Which I still really don't want to do but whatevs.

CIO is like someone slowly dragging fingernails across a chalkboard.

Avery has decided to follow in her brothers footsteps and not nap anywhere but on me. And while at first this was cute and sweet, we're now nearly 8 months in and it's old. Real old. So she's upstairs in her crib screaming her little head off. It's been 15 minutes now and she's still going strong. If I go in there she'll only freak out more. Yeah, she's one of those babies. I have to just completely ignore it and hope she eventually cries herself to sleep. It sucks. Every time I think she's done and finally sleeping, she just starts up again.

UGHHHHHH!!!! I hate this part of parenting. 

I need some words of encouragement right now. Or maybe just a nice, strong alcoholic beverage.