You'll be pleased to know that I've found a job! And guess where??? THE BEST OF CRAIGSLIST, of course! Uh-duh!
This one is a real gem.
My comments in red. Here we go!
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Astronaut Needed (do you get the title of "Astronaut" even if you aren't technically qualified for the position? If yes, SWEET! Sign me up! Mom and Dad can finally say they're proud of me!)
Date: 2009-09-14, 3:43AM MDT
Astronaut needed for experimental flight to Titan. Where the hell is Titan? I'm no Albert Einstein but last time I went through my solar system {in 3rd grade}, Titan wasn't included. I am a bit rusty though. Google just told me that Pluto was de-planetized. Maybe Titan took its place? I have been working on this project now for near 40 years (that's a long ass time to working on something imaginary. Jeez...my imaginary friend only lasted 20 years. He's got me beat.) and am afraid I'm no longer fit (read: sane) enough to go.
My secret space craft (that he borrowed from Balloon Boy's parents) is the result of my professional experience and imagination (AH-HA! There it is!!!) while serving the U.S. military (prior to being kicked out for schizophrenia) in advanced aeronautics as a scientist.
The craft harnesses a revolutionary (read: new, untested, death likely) propulsion system and its fuselage is fabricated with the most advanced material (baking soda and vinegar). While considerably safe (not sure how much weight there is in "considerably safe" to a schizophrenic but whatevs...) , I am certain you will make it safely to Titan but there will not be enough fuel to get home (you can stock that flying piece of imaginary crap with enough fuel to get to Titan but not enough to get home??? So this has now become a suicide mission???). This is for someone unique (read: suicidal) that has always wanted to see the universe first-hand (you want to see the universe?? Go on a safari in Africa. Eat pasta in Italy. Pick up a hooker in Amsterdam. But board a big helium balloon to "Titan" and don't return? Hmm...I don't think that's on a travel agents agenda.) and has perhaps a terminal view on life here at home (there it is again. If you're looking to die that he's the guy you want to talk to). Here's your shot at romantic history (that's a ballsy way to describe it. Unless Brad Pitt {minus the nasty ass braided pubic hair looking thing on his chin} is joining me, I would probably describe it as psychotic).
My secret space craft (that he borrowed from Balloon Boy's parents) is the result of my professional experience and imagination (AH-HA! There it is!!!) while serving the U.S. military (prior to being kicked out for schizophrenia) in advanced aeronautics as a scientist.
The craft harnesses a revolutionary (read: new, untested, death likely) propulsion system and its fuselage is fabricated with the most advanced material (baking soda and vinegar). While considerably safe (not sure how much weight there is in "considerably safe" to a schizophrenic but whatevs...) , I am certain you will make it safely to Titan but there will not be enough fuel to get home (you can stock that flying piece of imaginary crap with enough fuel to get to Titan but not enough to get home??? So this has now become a suicide mission???). This is for someone unique (read: suicidal) that has always wanted to see the universe first-hand (you want to see the universe?? Go on a safari in Africa. Eat pasta in Italy. Pick up a hooker in Amsterdam. But board a big helium balloon to "Titan" and don't return? Hmm...I don't think that's on a travel agents agenda.) and has perhaps a terminal view on life here at home (there it is again. If you're looking to die that he's the guy you want to talk to). Here's your shot at romantic history (that's a ballsy way to describe it. Unless Brad Pitt {minus the nasty ass braided pubic hair looking thing on his chin} is joining me, I would probably describe it as psychotic).
Must be:
-physically fit. Why must we be fit to die? If I'm gonna die on this thing you better believe I'm going out in all my glory. Surrounded by Baileys, Starbucks, Wendy's, ChickFilA and Dunkin Donuts.
-mentally sound. Pot meet kettle.
-over the age of 18. Make sure you're not assisting a minor in their death!
-a dreamer.
-a believer. If you're a believe of this, then maybe you should go because you are that stupid.
-not afraid of heights.
-not afraid of extreme conditions such as speed, pressure, heat, etc. You're gonna die anyway so suck it up.
-brave.
-no taller than 5'10 and relatively slim.
-good eye-sight & hearing.
-manual dexterity (although the craft is largely cpu controlled). HA! So this guy is going to actually control your death. That's fabulous!
-OK in cramped conditions for long periods of time. Duh. Titan is pretty far away.
PostingID: 1373376861-physically fit. Why must we be fit to die? If I'm gonna die on this thing you better believe I'm going out in all my glory. Surrounded by Baileys, Starbucks, Wendy's, ChickFilA and Dunkin Donuts.
-mentally sound. Pot meet kettle.
-over the age of 18. Make sure you're not assisting a minor in their death!
-a dreamer.
-a believer. If you're a believe of this, then maybe you should go because you are that stupid.
-not afraid of heights.
-not afraid of extreme conditions such as speed, pressure, heat, etc. You're gonna die anyway so suck it up.
-brave.
-no taller than 5'10 and relatively slim.
-good eye-sight & hearing.
-manual dexterity (although the craft is largely cpu controlled). HA! So this guy is going to actually control your death. That's fabulous!
-OK in cramped conditions for long periods of time. Duh. Titan is pretty far away.
- Location: Northern Alberta
- Compensation: $25,000 CASH. Here is where I'm baffled. You get $25,000 cash to die. Can I at least get that shit in advance so I can enjoy it???
- This is a contract job.
- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
- Please, no phone calls about this job!
- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
So I've come to the conclusion that this man is the new era Kevorkian. Or did you hear about the guy who was seeking sexual services on Craigslist and then killing the women? I think he was even labeled the Craigslist Killer. Maybe this guy is just going about it in a new, more "unique" way.
Either way, the man is clearly a loon. I wish I could spy into his email and see if he got any responses and what they said. They've got to be equally amusing. Or sad.
He had me up until the suicide part. I was ALL for being an Astronaut but I'd kinda like to come home from Titan to see my hubs and kids.
Oh well...guess my job search continues.
5 comments:
My first thought was "That bitch got a job and posted it on her blog before actually calling me!" And then I remembered who was writing this!!
Just keep looking please and even if you got the 25,000 in advance and your cousins and all your family hear about it, they'd be bringing up stuff like, "remember when...". Time for you to go and get you a drink now. Go on, stop reading this comment and get to gettin'.
You made sprite come out my nose! Thanks Amy! Your job should be what you are doing - you have a talent! :)
Glad you are turning this one DOWN. Are you kidding me? Really on Craigslist?? Wow... what a loser. Hold out for something with better odds... ones IN your favor!!!
Are are serious! I must check out Craig's List! I love a good nut job!
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