I need to vent about my new car.

I hate it. I know what you're all thinking. 'Shut the eff up...you have a new car you spoiled brat.' And while normally I would agree with you, just hear me out this time. And this could get long so my apologies in advance.

I used to have a Nissan Pathfinder that I absolutely LOVED! I should also mention that for me to LOVE a car it really takes a lot since I am a self professed car whore. A new design comes out on my current car? I need the updated one. My car is more than 3 years old? I need a new one. It's really pricey but it's love...what can I say? 

The lease on my Pathfinder was up and since Big Poppa and I are in serious budget cutting mode we downgraded to a Nissan Altima. Honestly, I feel like I was kinda pushed into the decision by the dealership (which, btw, this NEVER happens because I'm not a pushover but the dealership is owned by a very close friend of ours so it was a different situation) which is making me even more resentful but I can get over that. So onto why I really, really hate this car. 

1. It is so fucking hard to fit my Phil&Ted stroller into the damn trunk. I'm always so nervous that I'm gonna scratch something. Big Poppa thinks it's so easy to put it in and get it out (haha...the places I could go with that sentence ;) ). Yeah, well for starters, that stroller is fucking heavy, and honestly it's not even as heavy as most other doubles but it's still heavy when little old Amy is lifting it. By the time I'm done putting it in the trunk, I'm sweating like a dog in a chinese restaurant. 

2. In my Pathfinder there were climate controls in the back of the car. Hell, there were VENTS in the back that allowed heat and AC to reach the kids. The Altima, not so much. Before getting the car my thought was that it was a sedan so if I just aimed the vents back there, they would reach the kids, right? WRONG. My kids are ROASTING back there. I take them out and they are covered in sweat. So of course I feel horrible while my air conditioned ass is nice and chilly up front. 

3. The wheels. I don't know what genius engineer designed it so the hubcaps stick out but good lord! I've already nearly destroyed the front passenger hubcap by bumping into the curb out front of our house. And folks, I'm not talking I rammed into the motherfucker at 30 mph. I tapped it. And you should see this hubcap! It looks like it's gonna fall off!

4. I've decided that I hate 4 cylinder cars. It's just not enough umph for me. I hear it struggling to accelerate and I automatically think something is broken or doesn't sound right. I need 6 cylinder or more.

5. My back hates me for having to bend over and lift Luca out of the middle of the car and up into his car seat. Let me explain. He's not even 2 yet so running out into the road doesn't even phase him as dangerous. So what I do is have him climb in first on the passenger side and then I click Avery into her infant carrier base. He climbs across to the other side of the car, safely away from any oncoming traffic. The problem is that he can be a little shit at times and he'll sit in between the car seats and NOT MOVE thus making me have to bend down into the car, lift his 30 pound toddler ass up and into his car seat. Know what my back says to that? "FUCK YOU, AMY! PAYBACKS ARE A BITCH!" And those paybacks come in the form of restless nights because my back is screaming at me.

Thank you for listening to me bitch. I feel better. Wouldn't it be nice though if car dealerships had a return policy? I'd be all over that shit!