Please come in and let me be your birth control.

I can almost guarantee that if you long for a baby or are starting to come down with baby fever for #2, this post will change your mind. That said, if you don't want to be scared shitless then I highly recommend you just move right along to the next blog on your dashboard. This post isn't for your naive eyes.

Ok...onto my hell our day. Luca and Avery needed to go to the pedi for a well visit (Avery) and 2 shots (Luca). What can I say, I'm a horrible mother that delays vaccines. Suck it. I should also mention that this is the first time I've ever taken both kids to the pedi for an appointment by myself. Usually Big Poppa meets me there and lends an extra set of hands. Apparently I was delusional and thought I could handle this on my own. God, I'm fucking tart sometimes. 

The waiting room was packed so I was stuck sitting on a coffee table/bench/ottoman thing in the middle of all the other moms. Yeah, I looked like a tool. It took forever and just as Luke was headed toward meltdown city, we were called back. Oh wow...there is a God. Or so I thought.

We walk back to the exam room and before even entering, Luke goes fucking ballistic which of course, makes Avery go ballistic. I know you're all thinking, 'big deal Amy...suck it up, put on your big girl panties and deal.' That's all great except they didn't fucking calm down!  I'm not talking fussy/whiny/annoyingness, I'm talking full on ugly cry from the both of them. We were there for nearly 2 hours and they cried THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME! It even got to the point where I was sitting on the floor of the exam room (which in and of itself made me want to barf...just think of the germy shit living on those floors....blech) consoling the both of them in my lap because I couldn't hold them simultaneously (last time I checked, I wasn't Chyna from WWF WWE with man arms).

I couldn't hear the doctor, the nurse was the biggest fucking douchebag in the world and they took 3 years to get the damn vaccines ready. And then she slowly tortured my poor kids with these needles which normally wouldn't bother me so much (does that make me sadistic?) but my nerves were beyond shot at that point. Just plunge the fucking thing and get it over with! She took her time inserting the needle and then while the kid screamed she would slowly unwrap the band aid but then she couldn't find where she plunged so she had to squeeze their sore little leg and...yeah, you get the point. She took fucking forever. And then it's all over and she comes in and offers 'Lucas' a fucking lollipop. Thanks asshole but that's not even his name. 

I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever try to take the both of them to the pedi by myself again. Ever. I wanted to drink myself into a stupor when I got home. I even called my sister and begged her to come over so that I could do said drinking and not be completely irresponsible. She said no. I no longer like her.

So to those who still want a baby and made it this far, have you changed your mind yet?