And on tonight's menu...TARANTULA!!!

I'm gonna try my hardest not to vomit all over my iBook while typing this post. 

Tonight I was feeding and rocking Avery to sleep while flipping through the channels. A program on Animal Planet catches my eye called Tarantulas: Australia's King of Spiders.  

Now, I should preface that I fucking HATE spiders. As well as grasshoppers. Those little fuckers jump all over the place and are just so unpredictable. Ick. So yeah, back to my hatred of spiders. They totally skeeve me. And hairy ass tarantulas just look grodey. And aren't they poisonous or something? I thought my cousin taught me that back when we were braving it in the wild (which really means we were walking around in the woods 50 feet from his back door).

Anyway, I'm literally watching this show with my mouth dropped open while occasionally turning away from the tv so I can gag and heave. Poor Avie Baby probably thought I was pregnant or something (which isn't a stretch for me). Do not fear though...I am not knocked up. Instead I was watching Cambodians handle these bugs like they were tossing tennis balls around. And now the kicker...they fucking fry them up and EAT THEM!!! Of course not without a little salt and other seasoning. Because who in their right mind would eat plain old tarantula? Pft. So low class.

Turns out that tarantula is a delicacy over there. They fry 'em up in large batches and literally sell them to people sitting in their cars for 10 cents per bag. Oh, oh, oh...I almost forgot the skeeviest part! They have those open markets over in Cambodia with huge wicker looking baskets filled to the brim with LIVE tarantulas. And these women just grabs handfuls of LIVE tarantulas and pass them out like they're playing bridge with the ladies on a thursday night. Ugh...I can feel the puke rising up my esophagus. 

All kidding aside, I will have nightmares about tarantulas tonight. Or those fucking grasshoppers. And I'm sure you're all thinking, 'why the f wouldn't you just change the channel, genius?' And my answer to that would be that I obviously like to torture myself. For rizzle. I really have no other good reason for continuing to watch it. I think I was just so amazed at these Cambodians seriously inhaling these little fried hair balls like they were popping M&M's or some shit. It fascinated me. And then my stomach started turning and my Butterfinger blizzard started creeping and that was that. Unless Avery wanted to be wearing my puke, the spiders had to go.

So tell me...would you eat fried tarantula?