Hello! Welcome to the CUH-RAZY house of Cav!

Please kindly take a seat, silence your blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries and buckle your safety belts. Keep your hands firmly gripped to your alcoholic beverage of choice (for me, the beloved Bailey's) and not onto your partner's wang. It could suffer some serious damage as you read this post and we wouldn't want you to be deprived of some sweet lovin', now would we?!  

Now...let's start this at 12:45 am, yes i said AM. That would mean that I just fell asleep when who decides to wake up? Ah, yes, sweet Avie Baby. I mean this with the most love that I have in my heart but why did she decide to be such a little shit at 1am???!!! Anyway, she proceeds to sleep for the remainder of the evening on my chest. Which of course means that I can't sleep. Second night in a row with no sleep...fucking fantastic. And then she's up for the day at 530am. At this point I'm convinced that she's actually the spawn of Satan and not my child. Luca, thank sweet baby Jesus, slept in until 845am. 

Things are looking up, right? Wrong. I go to flush the toilet and it starts overflowing. Like, MAJORLY overflowing. I have showings starting at 11am. Now there's toilet water all over the floor...the whole deal. I'm freaking out because I'm useless as I stand there in nasty fucking piss/shit water. I just started throwing towels down and of course couldn't unclog it myself. So $160 later, a local plumber saves the day. Now every time you see this sign, $$$, I want you to say "CHA-CHING" in your head because that's precisely what it sounds like in my head. And for the hell of it, you could also imagine the cash register noise.  

So...$$$!  

I eventually get the house all straightened up for the showing and leave to take Luke to daycare. I have a million and a half errands to run, $$$, and who decides to start spazzing. If you guessed Satan's child, you would be correct. So I hightail it over to one of my favorite whore's house to feed Satan's DD because remember, no hot water at the Cav house that currently has strangers walking through it! While there I get a phone call that delivery of my brand new car was scheduled for today. HOLD THE MOTHER FUCKING PHONE! I didn't order a new car. But hell, why not throw $20k on top of everything else, $$$. 

Eventually it was all worked out and I did get the car. Now if there was a reverse "cha-ching" noise then I'd ask you to imagine it now since we'll be saving on our monthly car expense. But I don't know that there is. So, Petey the Pathfinder is gone (and yes, tears were shed...I'm emotional lately, leave me alone).  

I go to Target where I have to hunt down formula and baby food. WTF. Apparently they packed it up and stored it in the back. I don't know, maybe because no one ever buys formula or baby food from them (insert sarcasm here)?! Fucking lame asses. I finally hunt some down and run into the hysterical and sweet Loralee and OMG so f'ing cute, baby Dylan. I wanted to eat him up. (LL...I'm not opposed to arranged marriages and Avery is 1/4 polish...just sayin').  

I pick Luke up from school and go home where, YAY, it's nap time!!! Just as nap time is beginning I get THE phone call. The buyer met the demands of our counter offer and, holy shit, we sold the house. That's when the nausea hit. Not sure I was ready for it to sell so quickly. 3 days?! Really?! It's like Petey the Pathfinder...taken away from me sooner than I expected. We had more showings today so as long as none of them come in with a better offer then we're finished and shipping out...in September but shipping out nonetheless! We wake up from nap time and Harry from Nissan is knocking on my door delivering my new car. I was sweating like a cub scout at Neverland as I transferred car seats and shit from one car to the other. But I did manage to straighten up the house and get out in time for our last showing.

Now I sit here waiting for our realtor to finally show up so we can sign some paperwork. I need a shower. Like whoa. So she better save her long windedness for another day cause Mama ain't havin' it!

PS - 4th of July post and pics to come. When I can remove my head from my ass for a long enough period of time.